1. Vocabulary Complexity
- The language is technical but appropriate for readers who are already familiar with the subject. To make the article more accessible to a broader audience, consider simplifying some of the terminology, especially in sections discussing technologies like MicroLED or OLED. You can also explain these terms in simpler language where necessary.
2. Passive Voice
- As the article currently stands, about 25.7% of sentences use passive voice, which is higher than the recommended 10%. Here’s how to reduce passive voice by rewriting some sentences in the active voice: Passive Example: “Flexible screens are made using materials like transparent oxide…” Active Version: “Manufacturers make flexible screens using materials like transparent oxide…” Passive Example: “MicroLED Technology was one of the first innovations…” Active Version: “Researchers developed MicroLED Technology as one of the first innovations…”
3. Transition Words
- Only 17.1% of your sentences contain transition words, which can make the article feel a little disjointed. To improve the flow, try using more transition phrases such as:
- Additionally,
- In addition,
- For example,
- Consequently,
- Moreover,
- On the other hand,
- Therefore
Here’s an updated version of one of your paragraphs with more transitions:
Original:
“Flexible AMOLED Displays: These screens are already in use in many foldable smartphones, allowing users to have devices that transform from a small compact size to a larger screen when needed.”
Updated Version:
“Flexible AMOLED Displays are already in use in many foldable smartphones. For example, they allow users to transform devices from a small compact size to a larger screen when needed. In addition, these screens provide a unique user experience with their ability to fold without compromising performance.”
4. Additional Suggestions
- Introductory Sentence: Add an engaging introduction with a clear thesis statement about why flexible screen technology is so significant. You could start with something like: “Imagine bending your phone or wrapping your TV around your wrist—this futuristic concept is already becoming a reality thanks to flexible screen technology.”
- Subheadings: Consider breaking up some of the longer sections into smaller ones with more descriptive subheadings. For example, instead of “Advancements in Flexible Screen Technologies,” you could have subsections like:
- “OLED and AMOLED Breakthroughs”
- “The Rise of MicroLED Technology”
- “Flexible AMOLED Displays in Action”
Let me know if you’d like more specific revisions or help with any of the sections!
Source : http://Samsung Display